Bruce Banner Discusses Organic Food

To all of you “vegan,” “organic,” “all natural” folks, and to all you picky eaters in general, I have one word for you.

Stop.

You want to go green? To save the planet?

You’re doing the opposite.

Traditional farming produces higher yields per acre than organic farming for almost every major crop, and GMOs do even better. GMO crops use less land, water, pesticides, and fertilizer. This means less wilderness has to be cleared (annihilated) in order to grow food.

People have been genetically modifying plants and animals via selective breeding since the dawn of civilization. Almost all of the fruits and vegetables you’re familiar with today are nothing like their “natural” precursors. They were smaller, sour, and had a much smaller percentage of edible mass. Nowadays, our fruits and vegetables are healthier, tastier, and more efficiently grown.

“Organic” food has to be grown separately, harvested separately, stored separately, and manufactured separately. This makes food production less efficient and more costly, and the people who can’t afford or access enough food suffer for it.

And you vegans. You snide, judgmental, starving bastards. You’re the worst of all. The definition of a vegan is “a person who does not eat or use animal products.” Some of you have refused to vaccinate your kids because the vaccines include animal products or were tested on animals.

I’ve got news for you. You know gasoline, that stuff that goes into your car? It also goes into the trucks that deliver your vegan food to the supermarket. Most crude oil formed from plants and animals called plankton. So even if the tasteless crap you eat could be produced efficiently, you’d still be exploiting plankton to get it.

And do you know who used to live on that extra land needed to grow your food? Animals. Your precious fucking animals lived on that land and now they’re probably dead.

People are starving, and you want to make sure you have soy milk in your latte? Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you all. It makes me so angry. You want to go green? I’ll show you green you dirty, ignorant hippies. You misguided, hypocritical, mutherfuckers! God damn it to hell it’s happening again!

Ahhhh. Ahhh! AHHHHH!

What this? Hulk no remember, but writing look mad. Maybe Hulk delete. But maybe important. Hulk just apologize for angry writing. Maybe writer hungry. Hungry make cranky. Hulk hungry. Hulk go eat white rhino now. Endangered animal taste better than regular animal. Make Hulk feel special. Maybe eat snow leopard and panda too. Panda delicious. Hulk make meat sauce with baby panda. Panda pasta pappardelle. Cut baby panda to thin strips and pound flat with steel mallet. Hulk prefer smash panda, but okay if just pound. Then simmer in tomato sauce until meat fall off bone.

Hulk try be vegetarian once. Make Hulk weak and angry. Hungry all time. Animal flesh make Hulk strong and happy. Be strong and happy like Hulk. Eat panda. Maybe destroy forest to find panda, but worth it.

H. Seitz

H. Seitz

H. Seitz is the author of the Sci-fi novella "Iron Manimal" and a contributing writer at The Skull Island Times.
H. Seitz

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